Funny Things to Say Before Shots
These toasts for drinking will surely bring a smile to everyone's face who hears them. You'll find the right toast for any occasion, including old Irish toasts and famous quotes to use as toasts.
Just scroll through the entire list to find your favorite toast!
Top 10 best drinking toasts
1.) May we live to learn well
And learn to live well.
2.) Another day another bender. No retreat no surrender.
3.) Drink to life and the passing show
And the eyes of the prettiest girl you know.
4.) Who loves not women, wine, and song,
He will be a fool his whole life long.
5.) Here's to Dame Fortune; may she smile upon you.
May you never meet her daughter, Miss Fortune.
6.) Here's to the nights we'll never remember
With our friends, we'll never forget.
7.) Here's to the glass we love so to sip,
It dries many a pensive tear;
'Tis not so sweet as a woman's lip
But a damned sight more sincere.
8.) May the winds of fortune sail you, may you sail a gentle sea, may it always be the other guy who says:
"This drink's on me."
9.) I drank to your health in company, I drank to your health alone,
I drank to your health so many times, I nearly ruined my own.
10.) Here's to those who wish us well,
All the rest can go to h—.
Funny toasts for drinking
11.) He who goes to bed and goes to bed mellow,
Lives as he ought to,
And leaves an honest fellow.
12.) Here's to a long life and a merry one,
A quick ending and a happy one,
A good girl and a pretty one,
A cold bottle and another one.
13.) The first draught a man drinks is for thirst,
The second for nourishment,
The third for pleasure
and the fourth for madness.
14.) Better to be a well-known drunkard than an anonymous alcoholic.
15.) To your very good health. May you live to be as old as your jokes.
16.) Let us drink to bread, for without bread, there would be no toast.
Check out these fun and interesting beer quotes.
Hilarious toasts and cheers
17.) Here's to whiskey,
So amber, pure, and clear…
It's not so sweet as women's lips
But a damn sight more sincere.
18.) Here's to alcohol,
Which often makes one see double
And feel single.
19.) Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the Bible says love your enemy.
20.) I don't know half of you half as well as I should like;
and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve.
21.) Here's to that long straight piece in Tetris.
22.) Drink to fair woman, who, I think,
Is most entitled to it;
For if anything drives men to drink,
She certainly can do it.
Check out more Funny Toasts.
Drinking toasts for friends
23.) Here's to friends and family who know us well but love us just the same.
24.) May we never go to h— but always be on our way.
25.) Here's to it, and from it, and to it again, and if you don't do it when you get to it, you may never get to it to do it again!
26.) Here's to the floor, who will hold you when no one else will.
May we get what we want, but never what we deserve.
27.) I would rather be with the people in this room than with the finest people I know.
28.) I used to know a clever toast.
But now I cannot think it.
So fill your glass to anything.
And damn your souls, I'll drink it.
Famous toasts from movies and TV
College drinking toasts
29.) May the wind at your back always be your own.
30.) Life is a waste of time, and time is a waste of life.
So let's get wasted all of the time and have the time of our life.
31.) Here's to your liver!
May it live as long as you last.
32.) Here's to staying positive and testing negative.
33.) Here's to the storks that bring good babies, the crows that bring bad babies, and the swallows that bring no babies at all!
34.) If the ocean was beer and I was a duck, I would swim to the bottom and drink myself up. But the ocean's not beer, and I'm not a duck, so let's drink these pints and get messed up.
You might like Old Fashioned Quotes, Captions & Jokes.
More college drinking toasts
35.) May the bloom of the face
Never extend to the nose.
36.) May all your ups and downs be under the covers!
37.) Pain makes you stronger.
Tears make you braver.
Heartbreak makes you wiser.
And vodka makes you not remember any of that crap.
38.) Here's to the girls who do
And here's to the girls who don't
And here's to the girls who say they never will,
But when the time comes, won't.
But here's to the girls most of all,
Who says they never will:
"I can't. I won't, I shan't, I don't!
… but just for you, I will."
39.) Over the teeth, over the gums,
Look out, stomach, here it comes!
40.) To h—: May the stay there be as fun as the way there.
41.) To every lovable girl in the land,
I offer this little libation.
For if ever they all left the country at once,
We'd be left in a state of stagnation.
42.) Here's to doing and drinking,
Not sitting and thinking.
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The best wedding toasts for raising a glass to the new couple.
Classy toasts
43.) Here's to Dame Fortune;
May she smile upon you.
May you never meet her daughter, Miss Fortune.
44.) May we be who our dogs think we are.
45.) The past is history, the future is a mystery, but today is a gift because it's the present.
46.) To high winds and mermaids!
47.) God in goodness sent us grapes to cheer, both great and small. Little fools drink too much, and great fools not at all!
48.) You're a gentleman and a scholar and a good judge of bad liquor.
Learn more about one of America's favorite drinks, the Bloody Mary.
Irish drinking toasts
49.) May the face of every good news
And the back of every bad news
Be towards us.
50.) Always remember to forget
The things that made you sad.
But never forget to remember
The things that made you glad.
51.) May the roof above us never fall in,
And may we friends gathered below
Never fall out.
52.) May the best of your past be the worse of your future.
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53.) May the lilt of Irish laughter
lighten every load.
May the mist of Irish magic
shorten every road.
And may all your friends remember
all the favors you are owed.
54.) May your home always be too small to hold all your friends.
55.) May the road rise to meet you,
May the wind be always at your back,
And until we meet again,
May God hold you in the hollow of his hand.
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Famous Irish toasts
56.) When the liquor is inside,
The pain goes elsewhere.
57.) Remembering good St. Patrick, who by strategy and stealth, Drove all the snakes from Ireland. Here's toasting to your health. But not too many toastings, lest you lose yourself, and then forget about good Patrick and see all those snakes again.
58.) Here's to the land of the shamrock so green,
And here's to each lad and his darlin' colleen,
Here's to the ones we love dearest and most.
May God bless old Ireland; that's this Irishman's toast.
59.) Rejoice, and be of good cheer!
For they are out there, and we are in here!
60.) May the luck of the Irish
Lead to happiest heights
And the highway you travel
Be lined with green lights.
Wherever you go and whatever you do,
May the luck of the Irish be there with you.
61.) May misfortune follow you the rest of your life,
And never catch up.
More famous Irish toasts.
Famous drinking toasts, quotes
62.) Let's have a toast to the incompetence of our enemies.
Holly Black
63.) Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the Bible says love your enemy.
Frank Sinatra
64.) Too much of anything is bad, but too much good whiskey is barely enough.
Mark Twain
65.) Here's to staying positive and testing negative!
66.) May you live all the days of your life.
Jonathan Swift
67.) Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker.
Ogden Nash
68.) Let us toast to animal pleasures, to escapism, to rain on the roof and instant coffee, to unemployment insurance and library cards, to absinthe and good-hearted landlords, to music and warm bodies and contraceptives… and to the "good life," whatever it is and wherever it happens to be.
Hunter S. Thompson
69.) Here's to our wives and girlfriends…may they never meet!
Groucho Marx
70.) Here's to the big bull in the wood.
He does the cows and heifers good.
If it weren't for his long, long rod,
Then what would we do for beef, by God?
Mark Twain
More famous toasts in history and literature
More drinking quotes
71.) My New Year's Eve Toast: to all the devils, lusts, passions, greeds, envies, loves, hates, strange desires, enemies ghostly and real, the army of memories, with which I do battle — may they never give me peace.
Patricia Highsmith
72.) Work like you don't need the money. Love like you've never been hurt. Dance like nobody's watching.
Satchel Paige
73.) Champagne for my real friends and real pain for my sham friends.
Tom Waits
74.) Some ships are wooden ships, but those ships may sink.
The best ships are friendships, and to those ships, we drink.
75.) I drink when I have occasion, and sometimes when I have no occasion.
Miguel de Cervantes
76.) Let us have wine and women, mirth and laughter,
Sermons and soda-water the day after.
Lord Byron
77.) It is well to remember that there are five reasons for drinking: the arrival of a friend, one's present or future thirst, the excellence of the cognac, or any other reason.
W. C. Fields
78.) Too much of anything is bad, but too much good whiskey is barely enough.
Mark Twain
79.) To absent friends, lost loves, old gods, and the season of mists, and may each one of us always give the devil his due.
Neil Gaiman
Check out these Funny Drinking Quotes & Captions
Bonus funny drinking toasts
80.) Ho – Ho – Ho! To the bottle, I go
To heal my heart and drown my woe
Rain may fall, and wind may blow
And many miles be still to go
But under a tall tree will I lie
And let the clouds go sailing by.
J.R.R. Tolkien
81.) Here's to alcohol, the rose-colored glasses of life.
F. Scott Fitzgerald
82.) Here's to the floor, who will hold you when no one else will.
May we get what we want, but never what we deserve.
83.) God in goodness sent us grapes to cheer both great and small.
Little fools drink too much, and great fools not at all!
84.) May the roof above us never fall in, and may we as friends never fall out.
85.) The past is history, the future is a mystery, but today is a gift, because it's the present.
You're on the funny Toasts for Drinking page. Looking for more great toasts? Be sure to check out these other popular toasts lists:
Best Man Toasts
Bridesmaid Toasts
Popular Toasts for Every Occasion
Source: https://listcaboodle.com/toasts-for-drinking-best-funny/
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